I've yet to make a final decision on what to change my name to after I say "I do" -- if I decide to change it at all. Should I truly become the Hyphenator and use a hyphenated married last name?
Not only do I have to decide what my last name will be, but I now have the opportunity to change my middle name as well. (I don't really have a middle name as my parents thought I could choose one myself when I was older, thinking perhaps I might want to use part of my Korean name.)
My last name options:
- Do I leave my name as is: Mrs. Hyphenator? (Women in Korea keep their family name when they marry. For more information about Korean names, check out Wikipedia.)
- Do I take my future hubby's last name: Mrs. Grammarman? (This is least favorite option.)
- Do I hyphenate: Mrs. Hyphenator-Grammarman?
- Do I make my last name my middle name and tack on hubby's last name: Mrs. Hyphenator Grammarman? (Unless I hyphenate my name and my future children's names, this may be helpful in identifying me as their mother.)
The combinations go on and on when it comes to using my Korean name as part of my middle name:
- Use Korean family name?
- Use Korean first name?
- Use whole Korean name?
- Use Korean family name, then first name?
- Use Korean first name, then family name?
Then there's the question of whether or not to hyphenate my Korean first name (the two characters or syllables), or combine them into one name. According to AP style, Korean family names always come first followed by the first name. But South Korean first names are hyphenated, as in Yoon-jin Kim, while North Korean first names are not, as in Kim Jong Il. I know other Koreans who have joined both characters/syllables/names of the first name together: Yoonjin.
To add to the confusion is the spelling of my Korean name. I've always known (and spelled) my Korean name based on McCune-Reischauer romanization. But the revised system would make Kim Jong Il, for example, into Gim Jeong Il. I'm not too fond of the revised romanization as I'm set in my ways. To me it's kalbi -- no, I don't mean galbi. I suppose kimchi or kimchee would be gimchi.
In the Midwest, Swedish names are fairly common: Johnson, Anderson, Swanson, etc. Asians with Swedish names are not so common. Personally, I like the fact that my name does not reflect that I am Asian. Not because I don't want to be associated with being Asian or because I am trying to be white. I like the surprise factor in meeting someone who only knows me by my name -- for example, in job interviews. Looking at my résumé, potential employers would have no clue that I am Asian. So upon meeting me, they can be caught a bit off guard -- advantage the Hyphenator!
After I am married, I suppose people might see my wedding band and assume my Swedish name is my married name, not my maiden name. That's where a hyphenated last name would make things interesting -- "Wait, is that her maiden name and her married name or what?!"
I actually like my name. I never had a problem with my name in school. Kids had a hard time trying to come up with rhyming names to tease me with.
And I'm fond of my last name. I'd like to keep it as it reminds me of my paternal grandfather -- to this day, whenever I think about him, I get teary-eyed. He never treated me any differently from his other grandkids -- I was never his "adopted granddaughter." If anything, I was his "favorite granddaughter."
At the same time, I feel like now is the perfect chance to include my Korean name to reflect who I am. Ever since I learned what my Korean name is, I've identified with that on a certain level as if it had never been taken away from me. In Korea when I met my family, it felt so natural to respond to them when they called me by my Korean name.
Perhaps in the end I will not change my name at all as procrastination is one trait I've perfected over the past 30-plus years (BTW, I started this post in July). The legal papers will probably be in front of me ready to be signed as the beat of "My name is ..." repeats through my head, still undecided.
One thing's for certain, although tempting, I won't be changing my name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. (I swear, there's a "Friends" reference for everything, even adoption.)
3 comments:
Ooh. Nice post. Thought-provoking. I identify with this conundrum on all levels. And although I have supposedly solved this matter for myself, I have second (and maybe third and fourth) thoughts about my so-called decision almost every day. Of course, regardless of my decision, I've found that people pretty much call me what they want.
We are women of many guises. I can count at least five different full names by which various people know me. Like you, I kind of like to keep people guessing. But when it comes down to having kids, that's going to throw me off for sure.
For what it's worth, I'd have a hard time thinking of you as Mrs. Grammarman.
Thanks to our numerous parents for keeping us awake at night over this matter, huh?
Well, since the Internet is a great place to get random advice from strangers, I'll chime in on this one... :)
The problem with hyphenation is that it's not scalable, because the name grows exponentially longer with each successive generation.
Plus it's probably a pain to have to change your name, hyphenated or not. Driver's license, passport, credit cards, all have to be changed.
My wife kept her name when we got married, and when my son was born he got her last name as his last name, and my last name as his middle name. (A bit unconventional as children usually get their father's last name - but why? No good reason, just gender bias. If he doesn't like it he can change it.)
It will probably be a source of disagreement between the various families involved. *shrug* I say choose whatever name you like most and don't worry what other people think.
Sassan, you've brought up some interesting points that I failed to mention in my post because I had already rambled on enough. And kudos to you and your wife for being unconventional! (I like the idea of giving my children my last name, but I think my fiancé would have something to say about that.)
Hyphenating my last name is an option that is toward the bottom of my list as my name is already long enough now that my signature only includes the first letter of my first name with my last name. Can't imagine having to sign an even longer name by adding my fiancé's.
Being somewhat lazy in addition to procrastinating when I can, I do not look forward to having to change my name for my drivers license (quite a hassle just getting one in SF), car registration, insurance, birth certificate, naturalization papers, passport, credit cards, voter registration, and e-mail address (?). Not to mention I'd have to notify Social Security, my bank, work, health plans, the post office, credit bureaus, IRS, work, post office, bank, 401(k) plan and other investment funds, and of course my relatives. Did I miss anything vital?
I get exhausted just thinking of everything I'd have to change. Sigh. More reason to just keep everything as is. Besides, I can always get creative with my kids' names. :)
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